March 07, 2005
Day One
(from New Years day...)
It was a beautiful out, a great first day. Mellow. I had just slowly driven over the three bridges from the mainland for the first time in ages. The clarity of the air allowed me an especially expansive view, as well as a bird’s eye view of the bays and marshes. The recently warm green marsh grass was now straw, the water still a deep dark blue. The back-bay cuts, the fishing holes, everything, ...looked fresh, seen from a different angle. Not in the mood for rock, I fiddled with the radio for something more fitting. The seek button took me to NPR where they were discussing Iraq-gate. "Nah, not today". Next station was playing Louie Armstrong’s "What a Wonderful World". Perfect match for the scene. I smiled.
Off the last bridge and now on the barrier island, I slowed the car to a stop. A deer, no more than 15 feet away, didn’t run away. She looked up at me and seemed to smile. I parked where I had a view down a walkway to the ocean. Satchmo had finished singing, so I hit the beach. My path left footprints in the fine ancient sand, winding along side the windswept dunes. The gentle surf splashed out a rhythm, to which I set my pace as I absorbed the day. An elderly couple, out enjoying a stroll on this first day of the rest of their lives, was slowly approaching from where I figured to be heading. They both appeared to be around 85 years old, their faces, weathered by the wind, the sun, and life, looked as old and worn as the sand. Then from about 10 feet away, I really noticed them. Walking arm in arm, their eyes and smiles sparkled like they were 17 years old, or maybe even five! They were beaming, glowing with a happiness that was undeniably real, and we wished each other a Happy New Year in passing.
A few minutes later, a little girl, about 3 years old, ran from her father, and gave me a "Happy New Years!" sea shell, just for me! She, along with her father and myself were all smiling as much as possible.
Down at the water, Piping Plovers were putting on a show. Piping Plovers are a threatened/endangered species of water bird, very small, round bodied, about 5 inches high. They have tiny little legs and a tiny, but long beak to peck under the sand with. A bunch of about 50 of them were working the beach to the delight of about a dozen onlookers. They move as a pattern, staying about a foot away from each other. When a wave recedes, they rush in like mad, and feed with their beak for maybe a second before the next wave chases them all, all still in formation, back up the beach. Again, more smiles all around. I was feeling that today, the world was giving me something. Waves and waves of smiles, coming at me.
Then someone threw a stone and they flew off, still holding the pattern. I headed back to the car, and looked down at the water. I was going to do some reading, but I felt I was already "reading", ...just not from a book. I kept the radio off, and was just thinking about everything and nothing, looking around. Some guy in a minivan proceeds to pull up and park two spots in front of me blocking my view. There hadn’t been a car within 100 yards of me in the empty lot. The couple in the car are fighting and not even looking at the view! So I look out to the side where there was a flock of birds and a bunch of people. I see the old happy couple getting into their car, and smile again. I see a chaotic mess of seemingly evenly spaced, excited seagulls frantically screeching, flapping their wings like mad, flying every which way. I see another, gull, solitary, motionless, gently hanging on the breeze. Some guy is dragging his little kid behind him, and almost drags him in front of a passing car. In an almost empty parking lot. I see another father joyfully chasing after his son in a playful race, both radiant.
I start singing to myself, absentmindedly, "I see skies of blue…", and then go blank, forgetting the words. I turn on the radio, finding some really good old, old blues, which I love. The sounds are hitting the spot. And suddenly I realize, perhaps not for the first time, when I "ASK" for something, I all too often assume the answer will be "NO". By now, today’s footprints are gone, blown by the same winds that said YES today. Somehow, I’m sure the waves are still rolling in. I just can’t see from here.
Posted by Ocean at 05:31 AM | Permalink | | Comments (0)
February 25, 2005
turkey
The best thing since sliced turkey.
Had'nt been out of the house for several days. Ran out of food, so off to supermarket I went. It was a warm sunny day, and for some reason the dreadfull chaos of shopping cart madness put me in a playful mood. I was travelling down the narrow rows of "food" (?) rather briskly, making funny smiley noises at little kids, pretending to crash into old ladies carts, averting near collisions with a smile that had them laughing.
So being pre-occupied with playing, I lost some focus on shopping. Saw a pre-packaged package of pre-packaged and processed sliced turkey - lean and oven roasted! Sounded good. Had'nt bought this stuff in years.
Got home, and started eating. Ehhhh. Ok, I admit, it did remotely remind me of turkey. (...and baloney). So I figured while my taste buds were pondering reality, I'd read the label.
Ten very thin slices have a gram of salt. No wonder I'm bloated. I'm gonna have stretch marks.
"Not a significant source of" ... well - anything, ...I'll spare you what its not.
Turkey - so far so good. Thats what I thought I bought!
Water - OK, water is good. I like water. We are mostly water anyway.
Salt - ehhh, surprised that wasn't listed before the turkey.
"Less than 2% of autolyzed yeast extract" - ...um ???
"Flavorings" - what flavorings? Whats wrong with turkey flavor?
"Turkey Stock" - WTF is "stock"? Nevermind, I don't think I wanna know.
"Dextrose, Brown Sugar, Honey" - sweet geezus, I didn't want dessert.
"Calcium reduced dried skim milk" - Brilliant!, now I got my daily intake of dairy. Was the bird raised on a dairy farm? At least they reduced the calcium.
"Modified corn starch" - modified? What the hell does "modified" actually mean?
"Maltodextrin" - ? I think I'm catching a buzz.
"Sodium phosphates, Sodium erythorbate, Sodium Nitrate" - cool, I think I can do laundry and blow up the neighborhood with this shit.
In big bold letters - "NO MSG ADDED". Is that supposed to be a selling point?
And in related news - the water birds in the canal are covered with oil.
Posted by Ocean at 07:00 AM | Permalink | | Comments (0)
~~~
Why the hell do people come to me with their problems when their shit is hitting the fan???
Posted by Ocean at 02:02 AM | Permalink | | Comments (0)
half-assed old song
You could sail across the ocean
to get away from me
I could climb a great tall mountain
So youre too small to see.
You can swim throughout the desert
with time's red rocks bleeding
I can crawl the bars of city streets
To drown my needing.
I could stare into a mirrored sea
with patched eyes and wooden leg
You could cast your gaze at purple peaks
see a wall of ice instead
I could chip away at fossils
in the desert heat of the past
You can look into the prism
of spirits and fused glass
(I could be swimming in a blue lagoon
palm trees a sunrise so nice
You could be hiking on a purple peak
or a cliff of melted ice)
Rivers link sky to shore
Though the water seem to change
It keeps on flowing on
We're a river with no name
We can look in all dry corners
of a world that been stripped bare
But dont look too far deep down inside
I know you wouldn't dare
Don't look too far down deep inside
You might find someone in there.
Posted by Ocean at 01:00 AM | Permalink | | Comments (0)
February 24, 2005
Crash
...an old story
(operation#3, ...hardware X-ray, right tibia and fibula)
Here is a small example. When I used to motorcycle a lot, I called it a "moving meditation", because I developed that sense of always knowing what was going on around me, without thinking. Bikes are hard to see sometimes, and often when driving on a road with two lanes in my direction, I'd be in the left and a car in the right lane would come over into my lane. I usually KNEW this was going to happen. I'd calmy slow down, and let the car go infront of me. I got so in tune with what the other guys were doing, and felt so comfortable, that after a while, when I knew a car would be changing lanes right into me, I'd stay there, move towards the left shoulder, driving on a 6 inch strip. Then, I'd hit the gas a bit, let go with my right hand, lean over, and knock on the guys side window. It was all calm, comfortable, and I knew I was safe. It was most entertaining observing the drivers when they were startled by me at their window. It was like play.
There were a few other real accident avoidance scenarios, where the only thing that let me escape was that total focused calm. A knowing something was gonna happen, and then a instant calm focused reaction without thinking. The body just reacting perfectly, all by itself.
The one time I got run over by a truck, I knew it was going to happen, I had the brakes ready, but he came over SO fast (he was trying to avoid rear-ending a car in front of him), that my fingers didn't even start to squeeze the brake. I flew through the air about 75 feet, twirling around...seeing the sky, my pretzel of a bike, the sky, my bike, ... the whole time thinking... "Wow this is neat!, but my bike is trash, damn, ok, I'll get a new one. Hmm, when am I gonna land? Oh, ok, Im coming down now. There are the rear wheels of the truck and I'm about to land under them. Ok, arch, twist, yeah ok, cool! I landed against them, instead of under them. I'm laying in the street, all calm, thinking, Ok, I lost my bike, but that flight was a cool experience, and I'm fine. No problem. I get up on my left leg, and go to take a step, when I notice my right foot is hanging on by some skin and muscle, so I hop over to the curb, sit down holding my leg up. People start running over, and I'm still kind of calm, I start telling people what to do. "You. Call 911. You, can you get this helmet off of me? Thanks. Hey you guys, can you get my bike out of the road, its blocking traffic." Once everything seemed under control, only then did the pain start. But there was an element of "fun" again, when the EMS guys showed up with nitrous oxide.
I think the last story, was just a tad more than "nine" calmness and focused awareness, there was also, adrenaline, endorphins, and shock. But, I'll never forget knowing that that truck was coming for me. And I'll never forget the amusement I had while flying through the air.
If I didn't have this "knowing, calm, focusing" ability, I'd be dead 9 times over. That or be very bored. I really have too many stories like that. (not the crash) I had to promise my ex, that when we had kids, I would curtail pushing the edge, but she never understood how safe it all was. Or how "that" focused awarness was so, ...peaceful? Flow. Real flow. Not just going along with the whatever flow.
Oh, its amazing how much sand and pebbles and road can get embedded deep into your skin, and how the rubber from tires can go in so deep that it takes a month and a half for the tattoo to disappear. Always ride with a leather jacket. (...and helmet!).
Posted by Ocean at 01:35 AM | Permalink | | Comments (0)
treasure dream
The dream from the night before last... I'm underwater, not deep, but a little dark and a bit murky. I dont know if Im diving or if i can just breath underwater. I find a one foot square canvas bundle, and I get excited about it. I look inside and I see its full of $100 bills. Its not just the money, it a good feeling wrapped up in the bundle. As I start to grasp it, and I notice there is another bundle attached to it with wires. I discover the other bundle is full of explosives, dynamite. I hover there figuring what to do next. Very frustrating. Will I blow myself up? Can I get away with it? Can I disable the bomb from the prize? There is a wise old man watching out of curiosity. I wind up leaving the two connected bundles, but making a mental note of where they are. The scene dissolves with me trying to figure out how to claim the prize without killing myself in the process. The wise man seems content to wait for my return.
Not much interpretation needed here I guess...
Posted by Ocean at 01:29 AM | Permalink | | Comments (0)