February 25, 2005
training wheels
I think problems with trust are just part of the human condition. Everyone has a problem or a potential problem with trust. Think back to before you had (*HURT*). Think back to high school or maybe junior high. Anyone remember getting dumped for someone else? Someone pulls the rug out from under your feet and you land on you ass. You feel crushed. Betrayed. Lost. Your heart just got ripped out, and you feel unworthy. Your self esteem may plummet. If you got hurt, you may have a problem with trust. But just before the break-up, did you really become less desireable, worthy, decent? I doubt it.
(I'm leaving parents et al out of this post.)
What did you do after you got burned? You met someone else. Maybe this person was more trustworthy, and the trust problem diminished. Maybe the next person made the first look like a saint. Your trust problem got worse. But you met someone else.
(*Hurt*) can definetely amplify the problem, but it is not THE problem. Anyone who was ever rejected in any way and emotionally hurt, does not want to risk more rejection and pain. They don't want to open up and expose their vulnerability... to allow someone to see inside to evaluate their worthiness.
...Actually, I think people do *want* to expose their vulnerability...more than anything. Its a chance to be accepted at the deepest, most honest level. Its the risk that's the hard part. The risk that instead of acceptance, you will be rejected again.
But that leap of faith, that laying it all on the line, can lead to trust, emotional intimacy, a total acceptance, and a nice surge in self esteem.
Ofcourse it can also lead to rejection and pain. As a kid, you were resilient. Thats how you learned to ride a bicycle. Crash. Ouch. Mistrust bike. OK, try again. Crash. And on, and on. Until you learned how to ride it.
To err is human. Even trustworthy people will let you down sometimes. When you try to trust someone, dont expect them to be God. Expect them to be human. But dont be to surprised if they are godly.
Don't label yourself as inadequate, because of other people's actions. Their actions are probably more due to their reasons, not yours. Be resilient. Be a kid. Don't expect miracles. At the same time, dont rule them out.
(*Hurt*) makes life difficult if you were burned badly by it and by making you more vulnerable. (*Hurt*) is also a tool, a magnifying glass, which can focus the abstract vulnerabilities of your soul into a simple CONFESSION of the innermost you. Its a tool which can be used to build solid relationship foundations. Once you have this magical foundation, Everyday can be a risk. Anyday, you can lose this complete acceptance. It could last a day or a lifetime. So take it one day at a time with appreciation. Trust may follow.
Brandon all wet
My nephew now swims like a fish.
Posted by Ocean at February 25, 2005 06:07 PM