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February 25, 2005
turkey
The best thing since sliced turkey.
Had'nt been out of the house for several days. Ran out of food, so off to supermarket I went. It was a warm sunny day, and for some reason the dreadfull chaos of shopping cart madness put me in a playful mood. I was travelling down the narrow rows of "food" (?) rather briskly, making funny smiley noises at little kids, pretending to crash into old ladies carts, averting near collisions with a smile that had them laughing.
So being pre-occupied with playing, I lost some focus on shopping. Saw a pre-packaged package of pre-packaged and processed sliced turkey - lean and oven roasted! Sounded good. Had'nt bought this stuff in years.
Got home, and started eating. Ehhhh. Ok, I admit, it did remotely remind me of turkey. (...and baloney). So I figured while my taste buds were pondering reality, I'd read the label.
Ten very thin slices have a gram of salt. No wonder I'm bloated. I'm gonna have stretch marks.
"Not a significant source of" ... well - anything, ...I'll spare you what its not.
Turkey - so far so good. Thats what I thought I bought!
Water - OK, water is good. I like water. We are mostly water anyway.
Salt - ehhh, surprised that wasn't listed before the turkey.
"Less than 2% of autolyzed yeast extract" - ...um ???
"Flavorings" - what flavorings? Whats wrong with turkey flavor?
"Turkey Stock" - WTF is "stock"? Nevermind, I don't think I wanna know.
"Dextrose, Brown Sugar, Honey" - sweet geezus, I didn't want dessert.
"Calcium reduced dried skim milk" - Brilliant!, now I got my daily intake of dairy. Was the bird raised on a dairy farm? At least they reduced the calcium.
"Modified corn starch" - modified? What the hell does "modified" actually mean?
"Maltodextrin" - ? I think I'm catching a buzz.
"Sodium phosphates, Sodium erythorbate, Sodium Nitrate" - cool, I think I can do laundry and blow up the neighborhood with this shit.
In big bold letters - "NO MSG ADDED". Is that supposed to be a selling point?
And in related news - the water birds in the canal are covered with oil.
Posted by Ocean at February 25, 2005 07:00 AM